Being there
by aurghhh
Summary: Hanna struggles to deal with her growing feelings for Paige.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I thought that since I'd uploaded "Just a kiss", I may as well put this one here as well. Also quite old, this was a follow up to JaK, written after but set before. It's a bit different, with less of the emotional rollercoaster that JaK had, but more focussed. Where JaK was about grace, this is about longing. Entirely from Hanna's point of view.

* * *

 _Looking back later, Hanna could never remember exactly when she fell for Paige. Maybe she didn't realise at the time, or maybe she didn't want to admit it. But she could remember when those feelings became overwhelming. It was in Rosewood Hospital, seeing Paige lying on that bed, bruised and bloodied. At that moment Hanna felt a pain she had rarely felt before, and when she had it was always over someone she loved._

* * *

"Hey Hanna, how are you?"

Hanna was happy to hear Paige's voice at the other end of the phone.

"I'm OK, but I need a favour," Hanna replied.

"Sure," Paige said. "What is it?"

"I need a study buddy," Hanna explained. "I'm trying to get ready for the Math exam and I don't get any of it. Emily said you're really good at Math…"

"I'm not that good," Paige protested.

"She said you'd say that too," Hanna responded. "She said you really are good and I should ignore you if you claimed otherwise."

"Well I guess you've got me then," Paige conceded.

"Thank you!" Hanna said. "If you can come around this afternoon I'll make you dinner afterwards."

"That would be lovely," Paige replied.

* * *

When Paige arrived, Hanna greeted her with a hug.

"Thank you so much," Hanna said. "I've been reading the text book and it's just making it worse. Right now I'm not sure I could add up the marks on the exam let alone answer the questions."

"I think we can get you sorted out," Paige said. "Is there anything in particular you want to concentrate on?"

"All of it," Hanna replied.

They went into the kitchen and sat down at the dining table, where Hanna had her books and notes sprawled across the the whole table.

Hanna gestured to the text book, which was open at the chapter on statistics.

"Are we really supposed to know all of this?" she asked.

"It can be done," Paige replied. "Just try not to be afraid of it."

"That's easy for you to say, you're smart," Hanna said.

"So are you," Paige responded.

"No I'm not," said Hanna, without thinking.

"Maybe this is where we need to start," suggested Paige. "You are smart."

"I'm not," Hanna insisted. "Spencer's the smart one. I'm just, I don't know, fashionable."

"Hanna, I've seen you dealing with real life problems that make this stuff look trivial," Paige said. "You are intelligent, resourceful and quick-thinking. If you can get through all of that you can get through a Math exam."

Hanna was having trouble believing this, but at least the fact that Paige was saying it made her feel better.

"You think so?" Hanna asked.

"Absolutely," Paige assured her. "And you're going to prove it to me today."

Hanna was amazed at Page's words. She knew she was probably grinning like a fool now, but she didn't care. She wanted to do this.

* * *

They spent the afternoon going through all the major topics, and as they did so Hanna's confidence grew.

Paige was a patient and attentive teacher. If Hanna didn't understand something Paige would look for different ways to explain it until Hanna was comfortable to move on. Paige would use examples, draw pictures and take Hanna through solutions. Most of all, she would guide Hanna to find the answers, not simply tell her what to do.

Eventually they had done what they needed to do, and it was time for dinner. Hanna felt like she could face this exam, for the first time she could remember.

* * *

"Can I help?" Paige asked.

"No I'm fine," Hanna replied, as she looked around the pantry for the spaghetti.

"I could cut up the vegetables," Paige suggested.

"You just relax," insisted Hanna. "I said I would make you dinner and I will make you dinner."

"It's not a problem," Paige countered. "I like helping out."

"You're as bad as Emily," Hanna said. "I bet the two of you are always going 'I'll do it.' 'No, I'll do it.'"

Paige just smiled.

"I knew it," Hanna said, proudly.

"Seriously though, I could cut up the vegetables," Paige suggested again.

Hanna knew that resisting any further would be pointless.

"OK then," she said, conceding defeat.

Paige's face lit up and she stood at the chopping board, grabbed a carrot and set to work.

Hanna, meanwhile, had found the pasta and was busy filling a pot with water.

"So have you always been brainy?" Hanna asked.

"I'm not…" Paige began.

"You are," Hanna quickly assured her. Hanna didn't quite understand why Paige would try to claim otherwise.

"I don't know," Paige said.

"But you've always done well at school, right?" Hanna asked.

"I suppose so," Paige replied.

"Do you study hard?" Hanna asked.

"I have to," Paige replied.

Paige's answer caught Hanna off guard.

"Why?" she asked.

"My parents," Paige explained. "Well, my dad really."

"What do you mean?" Hanna asked.

"He gets angry if I get bad marks, or if he thinks I'm not studying hard enough," Paige elaborated.

"Does he…" Hanna began to ask, but couldn't bring herself to finish the question.

"No, no," Paige answered. "He just gets angry and shouts a lot."

"I'm sorry," Hanna said.

Hanna stopped what she was doing and moved over to Paige, gently placing her hand on Paige's shoulder. Paige stopped chopping but her gaze remained fixed on the board in front of her.

"It's OK," Paige said.

Hanna wanted to hug Paige, but Paige stood facing the chopping board, knife in hand, so Hanna just leaned in a little against Paige and rubbed her hack.

"Dads can be stupid some times," Hanna said.

"He tries," Paige said. "But… yeah."

"Mine's the opposite," Hanna said. "He hardly cares at all. I could do pretty much anything and he wouldn't worry, so long as it didn't affect him."

"You're right," Paige said. "I shouldn't complain."

"No!" Hanna insisted, suddenly alarmed that Paige had taken her words that way. "You should. You should totally complain. They're both boneheads."

With that Paige began to laugh a little, as did Hanna. But soon Paige was crying as well. She finally put down her knife and turned to face Hanna. Hanna could see sadness on Paige's face, but resolution as well. She realised how much Paige had been through, and how little fuss she made about it. Like Emily.

Hanna put her arms around Paige and they hugged. All Hanna wanted at that moment was to make Paige feel better.

* * *

They sat down to eat. After the rather emotional process of cooking, they were both feeling more relaxed.

Hanna held up her glass of wine.

"To passing exams," she said.

"With flying colours," Paige added.

They clinked glasses, had a sip then started to eat.

"This is really nice," Paige said, after a couple of mouthfuls. "Thank you."

Hanna just smiled.

"What?" Paige asked.

"You sound like…" Hanna began.

"Emily?" Paige interrupted.

Hanna nodded.

"Actually it's disgusting," Paige said with a sly grin. "I was just trying to be nice."

"No!" Hanna protested. She knew it was a joke, but was still shocked to hear Paige say that.

Paige was laughing now.

"Say it's nice again, please," begged Hanna.

"It's lovely," Paige said.

"Really?" Hanna asked.

"Really," Paige confirmed. "You got the herbs just right."

"Thank you," said Hanna. "And I promise not to compare you to Emily any more."

"There are worse things you could say," Paige noted.

"That's true," agreed Hanna.

"So do you feel better about the exam now?" Paige asked.

"I'll make it," Hanna replied.

"I hope I helped," Paige said.

"You really did," Hanna assured her. "You were better than my teacher, actually."

"Well, I'm glad," Paige said. "Just remember what I said. You are smart."

"Thank you," Hanna said. "You know, you're good at this. You could become a teacher or something if you wanted. Is that something you could do in between swimming?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Paige replied. "You thought I was OK?"

"Better than OK," Hanna said. "Like, Spencer knows things but I can't, well… understand a word she says. But you can put it in English when you explain something. And you listen and stuff."

Paige was smiling now, and Hanna thought she could see a bit of pride on her face.

As Hanna looked at Paige she noticed something else. How beautiful Paige was. Really, she'd known, but for some reason the beauty of Paige's face struck Hanna now. Her eyes, her smile, just the kindness and warmth she exhuded.

"What?" Paige asked.

"Huh?" Hanna responded, quickly realising she'd been caught gazing at Paige.

"You looked like you were going to say something," Paige explained.

"I was just thinking…" Hanna began, trying to come up with an excuse, "…how great it is that you and Em found each other."

That sounded plausible.

"Yeah," said Paige a little tentatively.

"After everything she's been through, she's so lucky to have you," Hanna added.

"I'm the lucky one," Paige responded. "Sometimes I still can't believe it."

"Hey, these things don't happen by accident," Hanna said. "You two were meant for each other."

It was true. Emily and Paige had a special bond. And that is what Hanna had to keep reminding herself.

* * *

It was late. They had got carried away talking. Now Paige was collecting her things and heading out the door.

"Thank you so much for coming over," Hanna said.

"Anytime," Paige said, and gave Hanna a hug.

With that Paige got on her bike and with a final farewell, rode off. Hanna watched her until she disappeared down the street.

* * *

Hanna was lying in bed, but she couldn't get to sleep. She was too busy thinking. She had really enjoyed spending time with Paige, but it felt strange. Hanna knew Emily was happy that she and Paige had become good friends, but it made Hanna uncomfortable, like she should be careful. Hanna knew Emily wouldn't be jealous. She wasn't even sure why the thought had crossed her mind.

Just then Hanna's phone announced a text message. Hanna reached over to her bedside table to see what it was.

"At the hospital, paige injured on the way home, pls come, em"

Hanna sat up with a start, her heart racing. In an instant she jumped out of bed, threw on a sweater, pants and shoes and was headed downstairs. Her mind was racing with possibilities. She had to get there, had to see what had happened, had to make sure Paige was OK.


	2. Chapter 2

All that the text message from Emily had said was that Paige was injured and was at the hospital. Hanna had no idea how it had happened, or how badly hurt Paige was. She understood that Emily would have been in a hurry, but the lack of details just made her worry more as she headed over to the hospital.

When Hanna arrived she found Emily by herself in the waiting room at emergency.

"They are taking x-rays, to see if anything is broken," Emily explained, her voice hard with anxiety.

"What happened?" Hanna asked. "A?"

"No," Emily replied. "Just an idiot in a car. Paige was riding home when someone driving past yelled 'Get off the fucking road' and threw a bottle at her. It hit her in the head and knocked her off the bike."

Hanna could feel the anger rising in her.

"What the hell?" was all Hanna could say.

"Yeah," agreed Emily, shaking her head.

"Did she see them?" Hanna asked.

"No," Emily replied. "They hit her from behind."

Hanna was furious. Not just at what these people had done, but that they had been able to just drive away while Paige had lain there…

"She's been hurt pretty badly," Emily added, "but she's conscious."

Hanna just wanted to scream. How could people do this?

At that moment Spencer and Aria arrived.

"Is she OK?" Spencer asked.

"We think so," Emily replied. "Look, I've got to go back in, she'll be coming back soon. I'll let you know when it's OK to see her."

* * *

When Emily returned a while later, Hanna could see that she looked a little relieved.

"No broken bones, no internal injuries," Emily said. "Just some cuts to her arms where she broke her fall and a really bad bruise on her leg."

Even as she was finishing speaking, Emily burst into tears. Hanna, Spencer and Aria immediately put their arms around her.

"I was so scared," Emily said.

There wasn't much to say. They all hugged her for a moment, then let her wipe away her tears.

"You can come in and see her if you like," Emily said.

* * *

Emily opened the curtain. Beyond, Paige was lying on a hospital bed, her parents with her. Paige's forearms were bandaged and her leg elevated. She looked up at her new visitors, her eyes somewhat glazed over.

"Hey guys," Paige said, her words a little slurred. "Thanks for coming."

"Are you OK?" Aria asked.

"I'm fine," Paige said. "They're looking after me."

"She's had a lot of painkillers," Emily explained, though that seemed fairly clear.

They all offered their sympathies, and Paige's parents talked about the treatment. The nurses had cleaned the wounds and got the pieces of gravel out - Hanna flinched at that - and they had applied ice to her bruise. Now she would just need to stay a few days to recover.

Hanna was barely listening though. She felt awful seeing Paige like that. As everyone was talking, and Spencer was suggesting the charges which could be laid if they ever caught the person who did this, Paige just looked up at Hanna and smiled. Hanna did her best to smile back.

* * *

Hanna come in again the next morning. Emily had texted her the ward Paige had been taken to, so Hanna went straight there. When she arrived the nurse told her the bed number.

As she walked through the ward looking for Paige, she saw Emily and Caitlin coming out of a room.

"Hey," Emily said, looking weary.

"Hi Hanna," Caitlin added

"Hi," Hanna responded. "How's Paige?"

"She's OK," Emily replied. "She's still in a lot of pain, and she didn't sleep much last night."

"It looks like you didn't either," Hanna said.

"No," Emily said.

Hanna gave Emily a quick hug.

"Can I see her now?" asked Hanna.

"No," Emily replied. "The doctors are with her. We're going to the cafeteria for a coffee."

The three of them walked back out of the ward and eventually found the cafeteria. Coffees in hand, they sat down at an empty table.

"Em, you're still wearing your clothes from last night," Hanna said.

Emily just nodded.

"You need a rest," Hanna said.

"I know," Emily replied. "I just… while she's still here…"

Emily voice trailed off. Hanna understood.

"I was talking to Paige's parents," Caitlin said, "and they said they've organized for her to take her exams once she's better."

"That's great," said Hanna.

"Yes," said Caitlin, "but…"

"They won't do it for me," Emily added.

"What?" asked Hanna.

"I'm not the one in hospital," Emily explained.

"Em, you need to get home and get some rest," Hanna insisted.

"I can't," Emily replied.

"These are our final year exams," Hanna pointed out.

Emily just stared at her coffee cup.

"We can be here for her too," Caitlin said. "I'll get Chelsea and Brian."

"I'll get Spencer and Aria," Hanna added. "We'll make a roster."

Emily started as if to speak, but Caitlin jumped in.

"If anything changes we'll let you know," Caitlin said.

"I…" Emily began.

"Need to go home and get some rest," Hanna interrupted.

"We'll keep her company," Caitlin added.

Emily looked from Hanna to Caitlin and back again.

"OK," she said.

Hanna felt relieved, but more than that she felt happy she could do something useful, for Paige and for Emily.

* * *

After Emily left, Hanna and Caitlin made their way back to the ward.

Caitlin looked at Hanna, seemingly studying her face.

"You can tell, can't you?" Hanna asked.

"You're angry," Caitlin observed.

"It just pisses me off," Hanna replied.

"Yeah," agreed Caitlin.

They walked a little further in silence before Caitlin spoke again.

"You're very protective," she said.

"I guess so," Hanna replied. "I just hate seeing people I care about get hurt."

"It's sweet," Caitlin said.

"Sweet?" Hanna responded. She'd never heard it put that way before.

"The way you've taken Paige under your wing," Caitlin explained. "Like all your other friends. I think it's sweet."

Hanna didn't know what to say. Caitlin just smiled.

* * *

When they found Paige she looked different to the previous night. More alert, but clearly in pain. Still, her face brightened a little when she saw them.

"Hey!" she said.

"Hey to you to," Hanna replied. "I can't give you a hug, right?"

"Best not," Paige replied. "Has Emily gone home?"

"Yeah, we persuaded her to take a break," Caitlin replied.

"Good," said Paige. "I was worrying about her."

Paige adjusted herself in bed a little, and grimaced as she did so.

"Why haven't they got you on the drugs still?" Hanna asked. "I mean if your going to be in here you should at least get something out of it."

"I'm still having some, but they said they have to ease up a bit," Paige replied.

"Damn," said Hanna.

"It's not too bad," Paige said.

"It is!" Hanna insisted.

She wanted to say more, to say how angry she was, but she stopped. She knew this wasn't what Paige wanted to hear.

"She does this," Caitlin said.

Hanna just looked at the bandages and grazes all over Paige's body.

"It's just unfair," Hanna said. "You don't deserve this."

Even as she said it, the words sounded trite. Of course it was unfair.

Paige looked up at Caitlin.

"You should go too," Paige said.

"I should," agreed Caitlin. "But I'll be back this evening. Now don't go running up and down the corridor while I'm gone, OK?"

"I promise," Paige replied.

Once Caitlin had gone Hanna tried to think of something to cheer Paige up, but she soon realised that Paige looked calmer than she was.

"It feels weird," Hanna said. "It's hard to comfort someone when you can't even touch them."

Paige paused for a moment before replying.

"My fingers are OK," she said. "On my left hand."

Paige wiggled her fingers where they emerged from the bandages. Hanna reached out and lightly put her hand around them. She watched carefully to see if Paige flinched, but Paige just smiled back at her. Somehow just that little bit of contact made a difference.

"Is that OK?" Hanna asked.

"Yeah," Paige replied. "It is."

* * *

Hanna had been with Paige for a couple of hours, and she could see the painkillers wearing off. She had asked the nurses about it. They were very nice but Hanna could tell something was happening elsewhere in the ward from the urgency with which they were moving. They promised to be with Paige in a few minutes, so now Hanna just had to wait, and the minutes seemed like hours watching Paige in pain like that.

"Ask me a personal question," Paige said.

"What?" Hanna responded.

"I need something to distract me," Paige explained. "You're good at inappropriate questions."

"OK then…" Hanna said, trying to think of something good. "What's the kinkiest thing you and Em have done?"

Paige smiled a little.

"Hey, you wanted it," Hanna pointed out.

"I did," Paige replied.

"Well, come on," Hanna coaxed her.

"Um," Paige began, a little awkwardly. "All right then, we do own a pair of handcuffs."

Hanna chuckled at the thought.

"Ones like the police have?" she asked.

"No, fluffy ones," Paige replied. "They're just for restraint, not fantasies or anything."

"Who likes to wear them?" Hanna asked.

"Em," Paige replied.

"And do you…" Hanna began.

"I think that's enough detail," Paige interrupted.

Hanna just watched Paige for a moment. Paige's face had lightened a little, but Hanna could still see a sharp jolt run through her with every movement, and the frustration of having to lie so still.

"If we find these guys, I'm going to kill them myself," Hanna declared.

"No, please," was all Paige could reply.

"I'm sorry," Hanna said.

"I understand," Paige assured her. "Keep going."

"More questions?" Hanna asked.

"Yes," Paige replied.

"Where's the strangest place you've had sex?" Hanna asked.

"The pool," Paige replied.

"The one in your back yard?" Hanna asked.

"No, the one at Rosewood High," Paige answered.

Hanna's mouth fell open.

"How? When?" she asked.

"Well, we often train at night," Paige explained, "and usually it's fine because no one else is there."

"Usually?" Hanna asked.

"This time one of the other girls came in," Paige said.

"You mean, one of your teammates?" Hanna asked.

Paige nodded.

"Did she catch you?" Hanna asked.

"Not quite," Paige replied. "Em was a bit flustered though."

"Was she…" Hanna began.

"Yeah, almost," Paige replied. "So we figured if the other girl was in the pool, then the change room would be free."

Hanna was laughing now.

"Em was quite keen to… finish," Paige added.

"I bet she was," Hanna said. "So it was the pool, then the change rooms."

"Yeah," Paige said. "But um, we forgot the acoustics are really good in there. Everything echos."

"Oh my God," Hanna said.

"The girl gave us a bit of a glare on the way out," Paige said.

"Oh my God," Hanna repeated.

"A bit embarrassing," Paige said.

"That is so awesome," Hanna responded.

Paige's face tightened up and she gritted her teeth. Hanna kept quiet this time, but she just wanted to get her hands on the guy he did this, and make him sorry. Very sorry. But she knew that what Paige needed now wasn't revenge, it was company, and that's what Hanna would give her.


	3. Chapter 3

When Hanna woke up the next morning she was disoriented. She had dreamed that Emily and Paige had already gone to Stanford, and left her behind, alone. Even as she woke up the dream stayed with her, with a nagging feeling that she had something to do, and a lingering sense of sadness.

She sat up in bed and took a moment to process what had happened over the weekend. The enjoyment from spending time with Paige, the fear when she saw Paige in hospital, the anger at what had been done to her.

But there was something else. A feeling that had been creeping up on her for weeks. A feeling she got when she thought about Paige. A feeling of anticipation, and of dread. This was a stupid thing to feel. She needed to make it go away.

* * *

Hanna arrived at the hospital early. Emily, Spencer and Brian were waiting in Paige's room, but Paige herself wasn't there. They all looked worried.

Emily practically ran forward and hugged Hanna.

"What's wrong?" Hanna asked, her mind racing with possibilities.

Emily didn't reply, but Spencer did.

"Paige is in theater," she explained. "They have to drain the blood from the bruise on her leg."

"Is that bad?" Hanna asked. "I mean, it's just a bruise isn't it?"

"Severe bruising can be dangerous in some cases," Spencer explained. "A pool of blood was forming over the…"

"Ew," Hanna said.

"They just need to make sure," Emily assured her. "Paige will be fine."

Spencer and Brian went on to explain what was happening, and the procedure the doctors were performing, in detail. Hanna wasn't listening though. Hanna was focused on Emily.

Despite Emily's attempts at reassurance, Hanna could see that she was worried. She had been crying, and her face was downcast.

Emily stepped away from the hug, but Hanna kept an arm around her. She just wanted to hold on to her, as if this contact could take away some of Emily's pain.

* * *

The staff wheeled Paige into the room about an hour later. She lay there, barely noticing the people around her. She looked groggy, but not much else.

"She's going to need a rest," the nurse told them.

"We'll go," Spencer said.

"I'll just stay here with her," Emily replied.

Emily sat down next to the bed and gently stroked Paige's forehead, though Paige was far away.

Hanna wanted to stay too, but she knew Emily needed to be alone with Paige.

* * *

Hanna wandered aimlessly around the hospital. Spencer and Brian had left. Hanna was supposed to go as well, but she didn't want to leave, she just wanted to be alone. Eventually she found a small waiting room, off to the side of some empty department. There was no one in sight. She went in, sat down, and cried.

She felt guilty. She felt terrible. Not for what she had done, but for what she was worried she would do.

She covered her face and sobbed.

She wanted nothing more than to be in there with Emily and Paige. Gently holding Paige's hand again, comforting her along with Emily. She wanted to love Paige, like Emily loved Paige.

Why did she even think these things? Emily was her best friend, the person she cared about more than anyone else. Hanna was so happy that Emily and Paige had found each other, and been able to give each other the sort of love that made Hanna's heart ache with longing.

Hanna just wanted to go back to how things were, before she felt this.

"Hanna?"

Hanna's heart skipped and her mind raced. She had been caught.

She looked up. It was Chelsea.

"Oh my God, what's happened?" Chelsea asked.

"It's OK, it's OK," Hanna assured her. "Paige is fine."

"What's wrong?" Chelsea asked.

There was nothing Hanna could do. The tears were still streaming down her face. She was sure that Chelsea could read her mind, and knew what she was thinking. Her body tensed up and her breath caught.

"I…" she began, but couldn't complete the sentence.

Chelsea sat down beside her, studying Hanna's face. Chelsea awkwardly reached out and put a hand on Hanna's shoulder.

"It's probably just stress," Chelsea suggested. "So much has happened these past few days."

Hanna had never felt so grateful.

"I was looking for them, but I seem to have got lost," Chelsea explained.

Hanna looked away. She couldn't stop crying and she didn't know what else to do.

"You know, if you need to talk about anything you can talk to me," Chelsea said.

Hanna shook her head.

"It doesn't have to be now," Chelsea added. "I wouldn't tell anyone. I'm very good at keeping secrets."

With that, Hanna knew she suspected.

"Thank you," said Hanna. "I think I should go."

Hanna stood and walked out, trying to regain her composure as she went.

* * *

For once Hanna was thankful for exams. The worry they gave her was taking her mind off everything else. For the rest of the day she immersed herself in study.

That night she went back to the hospital though. She had settled down after the morning's troubles, but was still a little nervous. What if Chelsea had told someone? Hanna tried to push it out of her mind. When she went inside she would just be Hanna. No one would know.

This time Aria and Emily were with Paige. Paige was a bit more awake now, and looked up at Hanna and smiled.

"Hey!" she said.

"Hey you," replied Hanna. "You're looking better than this morning."

"I wouldn't know," Paige replied. "I can't remember any of it, but everyone tells me I am."

Hanna hugged Aria and Emily, then sat down next to Paige.

"I can't stay long," Hanna said. "I just wanted to see that you were OK."

"She's much better," Emily explained. "The procedure this morning worked, and they're going to get physio to help her start moving again tomorrow."

"That's wonderful," Hanna said.

As she did, she noticed a half-eaten tub of jello on the bench.

"Are you going to eat the rest of that?" she asked Paige.

"No," Paige replied. "Go for it."

"Thanks," said Hanna, picking up the unfinished desert.

"Hanna?" exclaimed Emily.

"What?" Hanna asked.

Aria just laughed.

Hanna had a mouthful, but it wasn't particularly sweet. She involuntarily screwed her face up. Now everyone was laughing at her.

"It's diet jello," Paige pointed out.

"Why did they give you that?" Hanna asked. "It's not like you're going to get fat on hospital food."

"It was all they had," Paige explained.

Hanna shook her head in disbelief. How could they give Paige food like this? She would have to do something. She kept eating, however. Pretty soon she got used to it.

"Han, we need your help with Emily," Aria said.

"Sure, what?" Hanna asked.

"She doesn't want to go to her exam tomorrow," Aria replied.

Hanna was surprised. She thought Emily was past this.

"You have to go, it's Biology," Hanna said.

"I can't, not with all this," Emily responded. "Paige needs me."

"I'll be fine," Paige said.

"You don't know that," countered Emily. "We've seen today what can happen."

"Em, your college plans rely on you getting a good mark for Biology," Aria pointed out. "Even if the school gives you special consideration, which isn't guaranteed, you'll still probably get a lower grade."

Emily held Paige's hand.

"Please Em," Paige pleaded.

"I want to be here for you," Emily said. "I won't stop worrying until we get you home."

Hanna knew they needed to push Emily.

"Emily, you have to do this," Hanna insisted. "We'll be here for Paige, but you need to do the exam."

"But…" Emily started to protest.

"This is for your future together," Hanna reminded her. "You're going to go in there and blitz that exam, and you're going to do it for Paige."

Hanna could see the recognition in Emily's eyes. Emily looked at Paige, who nodded in agreement.

"You can do it," Paige said. "For us."

* * *

The next day Hanna went in about midday.

As soon as Hanna saw Paige she could tell that she was feeling better. Paige was sitting up in bed, and looking much freer in her movement.

Paige's face lit up when she saw Hanna.

"How you doin'?" Hanna asked.

"Much better," Paige replied. "The pain is wearing off, I can move my leg again, they tell me my arms are all good. I might even be out of here tomorrow."

"Does this mean I can give you a hug?" Hanna asked.

"Yes," Paige replied, "but be gentle,"

Hanna delicately put her arms around Paige.

"Is that OK?" she asked.

"It's fine," Paige assured her.

It was hard for Hanna though. It felt so good to be able to hug Paige again she just wanted to squeeze her. She settled for just holding the hug a little longer than she otherwise would have. It took a while for her to notice that Paige was gently rubbing her back.

Eventually Hanna broke the hug. She sat down beside Paige's bed and opened up her cooler bag.

"I've brought you food," she proudly announced.

Paige gave a slight chuckle.

"They do feed me here, you know," she said.

"Paige, I've tasted the food here and you deserve better," Hanna explained. "You should eat the ice-cream soon though, it might melt."

Hanna passed Paige the small tub of ice-cream with a spoon. Paige eagerly took it and was soon shoveling down the contents.

"This is good," she said between mouthfuls.

"I've also brought you biscuits, sweet and savory," Hanna continued, holding up each item as she named it. "Rice cakes… that weird cheese you like… grapes… dried apricots, and… mini-muffins!"

"Oh, thank you," Paige said. "You've been so good to me."

"Hey, what are friends for," replied Hanna.

Paige finished the ice-cream just as the nurse came in. She noticed the various goodies Hanna had and gave the two of them a knowing smile.

"Time for your obs," she announced.

"This is Anne," Paige said to Hanna. "She's one of the people that have been taking such good care of me."

Anne leaned forward a little.

"Don't tell anyone, but she's our favorite patient," she whispered.

"They've all been great," Paige added.

"And is this your lovely girlfriend I've been hearing about?" Anne asked.

"No, this is my lovely girlfriend's amazing best friend," Paige replied, turning to Hanna.

Anne casually went about checking Paige's blood pressure, taking her temperature, and doing her routine tasks. But Paige just looked at Hanna, smiling. Hanna smiled back, but it took every bit of strength she had not to cry.

Being Paige's lovely girlfriend's amazing best friend wasn't what Hanna wanted. She knew that now. She wanted more. But it was still a pretty wonderful thing to be, and seeing Paige smile like that, knowing it was for her, was something special.


	4. Chapter 4

The nurse left and they were alone again.

"You don't have to stay for long," Paige said. "I know you've got Math tomorrow. I wouldn't want all my hard work to go to waste."

"Well, I was thinking if you were up to it you could ask me some questions," Hanna suggested.

"OK," Paige said.

"Not yet though," Hanna added. "We should just hang out for a while."

"I'm good at hanging out," Paige said. "I've been getting a lot of practice recently."

"You're really brave," Hanna said. "You been through all this and you're still smiling. You should be angry. Hell, I'm angry for you."

"I am a bit," Paige replied. "But it's also reminded me how good people are. Everyone has rallied around me and looked after me. I… I just want you to know I'm grateful for everything."

"Oh, now you're making me go all fuzzy," Hanna said, laughing a little.

"It's true though," Paige said. "Thank you."

Hanna couldn't say anything, she just sat there smiling.

After a while, Paige spoke.

"I was thinking about something," she said. "I don't know why, it's just with all this time on my hands I've been thinking a lot."

"Yeah…" Hanna said.

"Remember a while ago, you mentioned having been interested in Emily…" Paige continued.

"Oh God," Hanna interrupted, "look you don't have to worry or anything I'm not still, you know…"

"No, it's not that," Paige explained. "I was just wondering when it was. I'm guessing before you were with Caleb."

"Yes," Hanna confirmed.

"Was it before Em was with Maya?" Paige asked.

Hanna was getting a bit nervous now.

"Sort of," she replied.

"Was it when she was with Maya?" Paige asked.

"Both," Hanna replied.

"You mean it was when Emily and Maya first got together?" Paige asked.

Hanna nodded.

"Emily said you helped her when she was unsure about her feelings for Maya," Paige said.

Hanna nodded again.

"And this was while you had feelings for Emily?" Paige asked.

"Apparently I should have made my move earlier," Hanna said.

"But you still supported her," Paige said.

"I could see she loved Maya," Hanna replied.

It was starting to come back. How much she had wanted to be with Emily, how she had resigned herself to Emily being straight, then finding out too late that she wasn't. Emily had been so happy with Maya though.

Hanna realised she was crying.

"I'm so sorry," Paige said. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

There wasn't much Hanna could say. She wasn't just crying over the past.

"That was an amazing thing to do for Emily," Paige added.

"Thanks," said Hanna.

The tears weren't heavy, but they kept coming.

"You really are a wonderful friend," Paige said. "And a wonderful person."

"Sometimes… when you care about someone you just want them to be happy," Hanna explained. "Even if it's with someone else."

Paige held her hand out to Hanna, who took it gratefully. Hanna dried her tears and looked out the window. For a moment she just appreciated the view of the tree and the small garden outside. Paige reached up and gently brushed Hanna's cheek.

"It will be your turn soon," Paige said. "Someone as kind and caring as you, you'll find somebody."

Hanna just wished she could tell Paige.

"I thought I was supposed to be the one who asked the personal questions," Hanna said.

"Maybe I should ask something else," Paige said. "Like, what's the difference between a parabola and a hyperbola?"

Hanna laughed. This she could answer

* * *

The four of them were gathered in the corridor, waiting for the Math exam room to open.

"Spencer, it was only one question," Emily said.

"But I completely messed it up," Spencer said. "I forgot to mention J Edgar Hoover."

"You still got most of it, though," Aria said.

"Most isn't good enough," Spencer insisted.

"Oh no!" Hanna exclaimed. "Spencer might get an A- on American Government!"

Spencer gave her a dark look.

"Don't make fun of her, Hanna," Aria said. "This could be a setback for her Presidential campaign."

"I'm sorry," Hanna said to Spencer in exaggerated concern. "We'll still vote for you. I mean, four votes is a start, right?"

Spencer kept scowling. Hanna remembered how good she was at this.

"So Em, how was Biology?" Aria asked.

"It went OK," Emily replied. "I think I'll be fine. Despite everything."

Spencer broke off from glaring at Hanna.

"Hey, you know we're all here for you," she said.

"Yeah, I do," said Emily. "You guys have been great."

At that moment a teacher opened the door and everyone started to file in to the room.

This was it.

* * *

The exam was tough, but Hanna got through it.

As she went through the questions she realised she could do them. Some of her answers were probably wrong, but she could still make a decent attempt.

Paige had certainly helped. Hanna understood what she was doing a lot more now, rather than just going through the steps the teacher had shown them.

She still didn't care about any of this, but she would pass the exam.

* * *

After the exam had finished, they all met up outside, with various looks of relief on their faces.

"How did you go?" Emily asked Hanna.

"OK," she replied. "I went OK."

They swapped stories of difficult questions and problems they had studied for which hadn't appeared, until it was time to go.

"I'm off to visit Paige," Emily said. "Does anyone want to come?"

"Spencer and I have got World History this afternoon," Aria replied. "But give her our love."

"Two exams in one day sucks," Hanna said. "Don't your brains need a rest or something?"

"It's not too bad," Spencer said.

Aria just shrugged her shoulders.

"So are you coming?" Emily asked Hanna.

"Yep," Hanna replied.

* * *

The car trip was pretty quiet. Both Hanna and Emily were relieved at making it through another exam, but neither of them were feeling very talkative.

As they walked from the car to the building, however, Emily spoke.

"Thank you for everything," she said. "You've been a great friend, to me and to Paige."

"That's the idea," Hanna replied.

"I won't forget this," Emily added.

* * *

Paige was standing up when they arrived. She was using a crutch and being supported by a nurse, but she was standing. She was concentrating so hard on maintaining her balance she didn't notice them at first.

Emily ran up to Paige, about to hug her, but then hesitated. Paige's face lit up on seeing Emily.

"Hey, how did it go?" Paige asked.

"You're out of bed!" was all Emily could say.

"Yeah," Paige said.

Emily stood there for a moment, her arms out, clearly not sure how stable Paige was.

"You'll have to be careful," the nurse noted.

Emily hugged Paige carefully. Then kissed her.

The nurse looked away, but smiled.

Emily eventually stopped kissing Paige.

"Sorry," she said.

Hanna stepped forward.

"Hey," said Paige.

"Hey you," replied Hanna, taking her turn to give Paige a hug.

"You're out of bed," Emily repeated.

"Yeah, my leg's almost better," Paige replied.

"We were just about to go for a walk," the nurse explained. "She's doing very well. I can come back later though if you want."

"No, you should do it now," Emily said.

Hanna and Emily both got out of the way as Paige tentatively moved away from the bed, lightly supported but mostly just encouraged by the nurse. Paige's movement looked stiff, but soon she developed a rhythm. She walked slowly across the room and out into the hallway, Emily and Hanna following closely behind.

Hanna watched Emily watching Paige. Emily's face was beaming with pride.

"So how was the exam?" Paige asked.

"It was good," Emily replied.

"And how was my star pupil?" Paige asked.

"I made it," Hanna replied, "thanks to my amazing coach."

"No, you did that," Paige replied.

"I couldn't have done it without you," Hanna insisted.

"Yes you could," Paige responded.

Emily laughed.

"What's funny?' Hanna asked.

"You sound like us," Emily explained. "Arguing over how good the other one is."

"OK so you'll back me up here then," Hanna said. "Paige is great, isn't she?"

"She is," agreed Emily. "But so are you."

* * *

Relief was turning to elation for Hanna. Somehow getting through the Math exam and Paige being up and about had come together to turn her mood around entirely. She knew she still had a lot to do, but she was feeling better than she had for some time.

She was fetching some drinks for the three of them, and returned to find Emily and Paige kissing.

"You two," she said. "If you keep that up I'm going to have to either leave or join in. It's up to you."

They stopped. Emily had a slightly sheepish grin on her face, and Paige did that adorable head-dip thing which Hanna had only recently started to notice.

She handed them their drinks.

"It's OK," she added. "I'll shut the door when I leave so you two can have some alone time to get reacquainted."

Paige was blushing now. This was fun.

"You're looking much better," Emily observed.

"I'm feeling much better," Hanna replied. "I actually think I can do this, and whether she likes it or not, your incredible girlfriend had a lot to do with that."

Hanna carefully maintain eye contact with Emily, resisting the urge to see Paige's reaction.

"She's pretty good, isn't she?" Emily said.

"Is it OK if I give her a hug again?" Hanna asked.

"Sure," Emily replied.

Hanna knew she was walking a fine line, but she didn't want to stop.

She grabbed hold of Paige and hugged her, more forcefully this time now that she was safely on the bed.

"Thank you," Hanna said. "Thank you for everything."

"Anytime," Paige replied.

"Not just the math either," Hanna added. "You helped me believe I could do it."

"I'm glad I could help," Paige said.

* * *

Eventually Hanna knew it was time to leave. Emily and Paige were all over each other, and no amount of reassurance could convince her that they didn't just want to be alone.

She said goodbye and headed off.

On the way out she composed a short text message.

"Chelsea, have you got time to talk? Hanna"

* * *

Hanna chose another coffee shop. Not the Brew. The last thing she wanted was to run into someone else.

She sat down with Chelsea, each of them with their drinks, and she tried to work out what to say.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Chelsea asked.

"Look, when you saw me in the hospital I probably looked like they were transferring me to Radley," Hanna said. "There was a reason I was losing it, but I can't tell anyone, so first I need to know that you were telling the truth with that keeping a secret thing."

"Absolutely," Chelsea assured her.

"Even if it's about a friend of yours?" Hanna asked.

"Yes," Chelsea said.

"God, I could do with a few friends like you," Hanna said. "I mean, we're good at lying but terrible at keeping secrets."

Chelsea looked at Hanna expectantly.

"Wait," Hanna continued. "How do I know you really are good at keeping secrets and not just making that up?"

Chelsea's eyes narrowed a little.

"OK, don't worry," Hanna said. "I need to tell someone."

She was fidgeting with a packet of sugar now.

"Look, I just…" Hanna began, before losing confidence.

The packet of sugar broke, spilling it's contents over the table.

"Damn!" she said, trying to clean it up with a napkin.

"Do you need another napkin?" Chelsea asked.

"No, um, I don't know," replied Hanna, getting frustrated as she seemed to be just spreading the mess. "Maybe. Look, I've got feelings for Paige."

They both froze for a moment.

"Ah… so was that yes or no to the napkin?" Chelsea asked.

"Yes," Hanna replied.

Chelsea reached over to the bench where the spare napkins were kept, took one and passed it to Hanna. Hanna finished cleaning up the spilled sugar and placed the napkins in a neat pile on the side of the table.

"Thank you," she said.

"That's OK," said Chelsea. "Paige?"

"Yeah, Paige," confirmed Hanna.

She couldn't bring herself to look up at Chelsea.

"When did this happen?" Chelsea asked.

"I don't know," replied Hanna. "It's been happening for a while, I suppose, but it's just been the last few days I've admitted it to myself. That's why I was so freaked out."

"I suppose you would be," said Chelsea. She sounded very guarded, but Hanna's eyes were still focused down at the table.

"I… I was just so worried seeing her like that, and so happy to be with her when she got better, and I still want to find whoever did this and kick their ass so hard they can't sit down for a month," Hanna said.

"The police said they probably won't catch them," Chelsea said.

"What?" Hanna asked, finally looking up at Chelsea.

"I was talking to Paige's parents," Chelsea explained. "They've got nothing to go on. They'll probably get away with it."

"Crap," Hanna said.

"Yeah," Chelsea agreed.

Hanna just shook her head.

"It's OK if you hate me," Hanna said. "But please don't tell. I just don't want to screw things up."

"I don't hate you," Chelsea said. "You can't help the way you feel. But what do you want?"

"I want it to go away," Hanna replied. "I want to go back to how I was before. I want to stop feeling like this. And I want them to never find out."

"It might go away," Chelsea said. "Over time."

"Maybe," Hanna said. "I think I mostly just want to have someone I can talk to."

"I can give you that," Chelsea said.

"Thank you," Hanna said. "And thank you for not judging me."

"I wouldn't," Chelsea assured her. "It's not your fault."

"Then why do I feel so guilty?" Hanna asked.

"Can I ask you again what you want?" Chelsea asked.

"Nothing," Hanna replied.

Chelsea stayed silent. Eventually Hanna felt she wad to say more.

"I don't want to cause problems," Hanna added. "I care about both of them so much. They've been so happy since they found each other, and if I came between them I couldn't live with myself. I just couldn't."

"That's what you don't want," Chelsea pointed out. "What do you want? Not what do you think you should want, or what do you think you have to say you want. What do you actually want?"

Hanna stopped to think, but realised she didn't need to. She knew. She knew exactly what she wanted.

"I want to be with Paige," she answered. "But I can't because she's with Emily, and I want the two of them to be happy."

"That's why you feel guilty," Chelsea said. "You think that what you want will hurt people you care about. So you feel bad for wanting it."

"It will hurt them," Hanna said.

"But you don't want them to break up," Chelsea noted. "That's what would hurt them. You just want to be with Paige."

Hanna tried to let that sink in.

"Um, I'm not very good at giving advice," Chelsea said. "But I think this has been an intense few days, and you've been all caught up in their lives and a lot of drama. I think if you just focus on yourself for a while, and just be a good friend when they need you, ah, things might get clearer."

"Maybe," said Hanna.

"And, I suppose I'd say that you may not get what you want, but, um, you don't need to feel bad for wanting it," Chelsea added.

"Thank you," said Hanna, though she had no idea where she would go from here.

* * *

That evening Hanna got a text message.

"Paige almost ready to go, Emily"

Hanna headed over to the hospital and found them in a exit lounge. Paige looked much better, and Emily was happy. Aria, Spencer and Caitlin were with them.

"We're just waiting for some medication," Emily explained.

They spent some time there, Paige telling them all how nice everyone in the hospital had been, Spencer, Aria and Caitlin telling them about the afternoon's exam. Brian and Chelsea turned up as well. Hanna felt awkward now around Chelsea, but it wasn't too bad.

After about fifteen minutes the pharmacist called Emily and Paige over and Paige got her pills to take home.

With that the whole group went outside to the car park.

"Thank you everyone," Paige said. "You've all been amazing."

Hanna felt good that she had been able to help them, but now she knew there was one more thing she had to do.

"Well, we better let you go home and get some more rest," she said.

They all hugged and said their goodbyes.

With that everyone went their separate ways. Hanna walked over to her car, but stopped to watch Emily and Paige. Paige was still unsteady on her feet, but was laughing and smiling at Emily.

Hanna was happy for them, she really was, but she had never felt more alone.

"I love you," she whispered, as she watched them walk away.


End file.
